Cup of Coffee: July 31, 2025

Good morning! And welcome to Free Thursday!

Good morning!

A lot of trade deadline action today, with the Mariners bringing back Eugenio Suárez and the Mets and Phillies bolstering their bullpens.

And That Happened

Here are the scores. Here are the highlights:

Blue Jays 9, Orioles 8: The Jays got a five-run seventh inning, capped by  Nathan Lukes' pinch-hit three-run homer to bring them back from behind. Earlier Myles Straw hit a two-run homer and doubled in another run. Cedric Mullins, playing in what could be his final game for the Orioles given this evening's trade deadline, robbed Ali Sánchez of a two-run homer in the sixth. Baltimore put up three runs in their half of the seventh to get close but close was all they'd get. Toronto avoids the sweep.

Tigers 7, Diamondbacks 2: Detroit's newest starter, Chris Paddack, had a pretty good debut with his new team, going six while allowing just one run on three hits. Kerry Carpenter hit a two-run homer and tripled in a run. Jake Rogers hit a two-run homer of his own. Make it four straight wins for Detroit. Make it five losses in a row for the Snakes.

Red Sox 13, Twins 1: Homers from Jarren Duran, Trevor Story, Romy González, and Masataka Yoshida powered the Sox to a rout. González' was a three-run shot. Duran and Yoshida also each singled in two. Sox starter Brayan Bello allowed one earned run on five hits in seven innings. Boston had a great July and now they're just a game back of the Yankees for second place in the East.

Royals 1, Atlanta 0: Your standard nine-pitcher, ten-inning, five-hit shutout for the Royals. Teams didn't carry more than nine pitchers on their whole damn roster until a lot more recently than you'd think and here Kansas City is trotting out nine in one day. But hey, it worked, and they tied a record for the most pitchers used in a shutout in baseball history. Atlanta got great pitching too, albeit of the more traditional structure. Starter Joey Wentz went six and a third, shutting out the Royals on one hit, and the pen kept the zeros going through the ninth. Sal Perez walked it off with a Manfred Man-scoring single in the bottom of the tenth. Kansas City takes the series two games to one.

Cubs 10, Brewers 3:  Michael Busch homered on the game’s first pitch, Moisés Ballesteros hit a three-run double in the third to open up a four-run lead for Chicago. Ian Happ homered in the ninth. William Contreras hit two homers in a losing cause for Milwaukee. The Cubs avoid being swept.

Astros 9, Nationals 1:  Jose Altuve had four hits including a three-run homer. Cooper Hummel hit a two-run homer and Yainer Díaz added a three-run shot to help power Houston to an easy victory. The Astros take two of three.

Pirates 2, Giants 1: Logan Webb (5.2 IP, 5 H, 1 ER, 11K) and Mike Burrows (6 IP, 3 H, 1 ER, 7K) had a nice little duel there for a bit, but neither figured in the decision as it ended tied at one after nine. Henry Davis put the Buccos up with a Manfred Man-scoring groundout in the tenth and it held. Pittsburgh sweeps the Giants, wins their fifth in a row, and their eighth of their last nine.

Padres 5, Mets 0: Yu Darvish has barely pitched this season and when he has pitched he has been not great, but he was pretty damn swell yesterday. Seven scoreless innings, only two hits, seven strikeouts, and no walks. The Mets only managed one more hit off the pen. Gavin Sheets hit a two-run homer, Manny Machado singled in a couple, and Jackson Merrill hit a sac fly. San Diego sweeps the three-game series and win their fifth in a row.

White Sox 9, Phillies 3: Chicago enjoyed a seven-run seventh inning, featuring three-run homers from both Miguel Vargas and Edgar Quero. Colson Montgomery and Kyle Teel also went deep and Luis Robert Jr. and Mike Tauchman each had three hits. The Chisox take two of three.

Guardians 5, Rockies 0: Another shutout-by-committee, with Cleveland trotting out six guys to toss a three-hitter. It took them 115 combined pitches. Which makes me wonder what we'd call a Maddux if it took half a dozen guys to do it.

Reds 5, Dodgers 2: Shohei Ohtani got the start, gave up two runs on five hits in three innings, and walked four guys. His last six pitches were balls, including two consecutive wild pitches. He then left the game due to cramping. Which given how hot, swampy and gross Ohio was yesterday, makes some sense. Here's hoping that's all that was. Spencer Steer, who made a cameo appearance during a scene in the seventh episode of "A Man on the Inside," hit a two-run triple in the eighth that was almost a fantastic catch at the wall by Josh Outman but not quite.

Yankees 5, Rays 4: I wasn't on social media at all last night so I didn't get to see the usual Yankees-fans-overreact-to-everything drama in real time, but I am curious as to whether their excitement at their guys tying the game up three times in the late innings and winning it with a walkoff in the bottom of the eleventh was greater than their agitation at (a) the Yankees not scoring until the eighth; (b) watching Devin Williams blow a 2-1 lead in the ninth; and (c) watching Austin Wells forget how many outs there were and begin jogging off the field only to be tagged out while doing so, sending it to extras. I'm guessing it was a close call. However that played out, the Yankees did show some serious gumption in this one, with Trent Grisham hitting a game-tying homer in the eighth, Anthony Volpe hitting a game-tying homer in the ninth, Cody Bellinger hitting a game-tying triple in the 10th, and then Ryan McMahon driving in the winning run in the 11th inning with a walkoff RBI single.

Marlins 2, Cardinals 0: Cal Quantrill tossed five shutout innings and three relievers finished the five-hitter. Jesús Sánchez hit a two-run homer in the third to account for all of the game's scoring.

Rangers 6, Angels 3: Nathan Eovaldi allowed just one run in seven innings and Adolis García hit a two-run homer in the eighth which made a 2-1 game a 4-1 game. Evan Carter added an RBI single and Jonah Heim walked with the bases loaded later that inning. Marcus Semien was 3-for-5 with an RBI. The Rangers avoid a series sweep and snap the Angels’ three-game winning streak. 

Athletics 5, Mariners 4: Miguel Andujar hit two home runs and Brent Rooker and Darell Hernaiz also went deep for the A's, who have won six of their last seven games. The M's did, however, swing a deal for Eugenio Sáuarz late last night, so let's talk about that now.

The Daily Briefing

Mariners getting Eugenio Suárez from the Diamondbacks

Late last night it was reported that the Seattle Mariners are on the verge of reuniting with Eugenio Suárez. They'll be acquiring the most sought-after slugger at the deadline from Arizona for first baseman Tyler Locklear and minor-league pitchers Hunter Cranton and Juan Burgos. It's the second deal the M's have made with the Dbacks this deadline, having picked up Josh Naylor from them last week.

Suárez, 34, is hitting .248/.321/.577 (143 OPS+) with 36 homers and 87 RBI on the year. This will be his second stint with Seattle, as he spent the 2022 and 2023 seasons with the Mariners, hitting 53 home runs in 312 games on his first go-around. Putting him in the lineup next to Cal Raleigh, who has 41 homers, gives Seattle the chance to have two players finish the year with over 50 homers, which would be a first since Mantle and Maris did it with the 1961 Yankees. I don't think I'd bet on it as the ballpark in Seattle will likely be harder on Suárez than the one in Phoenix is, but there is an outside chance at it.

As for the return, Locklear is considered a top-10 Mariners prospect while Cranton and Burgos are ranked somewhere in the teens.

Phillies acquire Jhoan Durán from the Twins

The Phillies struck a deal to acquire closer Jhoan Durán from the Twins in exchange for prospects Eduardo Tait and Mick Abel.

Durán is one of the top relief arms in the game and he routinely features triple-digit velocity. This year he's picked up 16 saves in 49 appearances while posting an ERA of 2.01 (214 ERA+). His strikeout rate is down a tick but he still misses lots of bats due to both that velocity and a filthy array of pitches that always keeps batters guessing. And he's no mere rental, as he's under team control through 2028, so this is a significant pickup for Philly.

Tait is an 18 year-old catcher in A-ball but he was already considered one of the Phillies top prospects and, indeed, is considered a top-100 prospect in all of baseball. He's more than holding his own in A-ball despite being young for the league and his prospect ranking will no doubt improve this winter. Abel, a right-hander, has started six big league games in this his rookie campaign. He has good stuff but his command and control has been erratic. Still, he has a lot of promise and many years of team control for the Twins to see what they have in him.

Good deal for both sides, I'd say.

The Mets acquire Tyler Rogers from the Giants

The Mets have bullpen issues and they began addressing them yesterday by acquiring submariner reliever Tyler Rogers, from the Giants.

Rogers is a pretty damn solid bullpen addition for New York. He's leading the league in appearances this year. He led the league in appearances last year. And in 2020 and 2021 as well. He has a 1.83 ERA (216 ERA+) in 53 appearances and he hasn't been walking anyone. He gets grounders, induces soft contact, and does all of the stuff soft-tossers with low arm angles are supposed to do.

The Mets paid a heavy price to get him. In return the Giants will get pitching starter Blade Tidwell, outfield prospect Drew Gilbert, and right-hander José Buttó.

Tidwell made his major-league debut this season. He wasn't great in the bigs but he's been pretty solid in the minors. He's just fallen behind other Mets pitching prospects. Gilbert was a first-round pick out of Tennessee of the Astros and was traded to the Mets in the Justin Verlander deal. Buttó has been a part of the Mets pen for a good while, and he's pitched well, but he's nowhere near as durable as Rogers.

We knew the Mets needed bullpen help, and they're getting it. We now know that the Giants, who lost 11 of 13 heading into Wednesday, are sellers.   

The Mets also get Cardinals closer Ryan Helsley

The Mets bullpen revamp did not stop with Rogers. Later in the day they got Cardinals closer Ryan Helsley in exchange for three players: infielder Jesús Báez, right-hander Nate Dohm, and right-hander Frank Elissalt. Báez is ranked eighth on the Mets' Top 30 prospects list per MLB Pipeline. Dohm is ranked 14th. Elissalt is unranked.

Helsley, an All-Star in 2022 and 2024, was the longest-tenured member of the Cardinals organization before the deal. Last year he set a Cardinals franchise record for saves with 49, which led the NL. This year he has battled a toe injury that has, at times, messed with his mechanics, but he has 21 saves in 26 chances, while striking out 41 hitters in 36 innings and posting a 3.00 ERA (140 ERA+).

Pirates trade Ke'Bryan Hayes to the Reds

The Cincinnati Reds have acquired third baseman Ke'Bryan Hayes from the Pittsburgh Pirates in exchange for lefty reliever Taylor Rogers – Tyler's twin brother – and shortstop prospect Sammy Stafura. 

Hayes, 28, is an excellent defender at third, but he has greatly declined as a hitter. This year he's batting .236/.279/.290 (59 OPS+) with just two home runs. Last year he was at basically the same place. This after a productive 2023 season at the plate and a 2022 which, while not great, was good enough given his glove. He basically seems lost now. As if the Pirates simply ran out of ideas how to help him develop as a hitter when he hit age 27. A change of scenery might not be a bad thing for him, and the Reds have some time to fix him as he's under contract through the 2029 season with a club option for 2030 thanks to an eight-year extension he signed prior to the 2022 season. If he can return to being even an average hitter his excellent glove will give the Reds a massive improvement at what has, for them, been a problem position.

As for the return to the Pirates: Rogers has a solid 2.45 ERA in 40 appearances this season. He's in the final year of his contract so he's just a rental. Stafura, 20, was the Reds' second-round draft pick in 2023. He's hit .254/.379/.398 with 59 stolen bases and 135 walks in 193 career games across parts of three minor-league seasons. This year he's been at Low-A, so he still has a way to go.

Yankees acquire outfielder Austin Slater

The New York Yankees are down an outfielder with Aaron Judge on the IL, and Judge still won't be playing in the outfield when he comes back, so they needed a guy. Yesterday they got one when they traded righty pitching prospect Gage Ziehl to the White Sox for outfielder Austin Slater. Slater, who hits lefties well, will be the right-handed-hitting platoon partner of either Jasson Dominguez or Trent Grisham, one figures.

Slater signed a one-year, $1.75 million deal with Chicago in November and will be a free agent after the season. So far this year he's hitting .236/.299/.423 (99 OPS+) but he's hitting .261/.338/.522 with all five of his homers coming against lefties. He's been substantially better against lefties over the course of his nine-year career as well.

Angels acquire Andrew Chafin and Luis Garcia from the Nationals

The Los Angeles Angels picked up veteran relievers Luis Garcia and Andrew Chafin from the Washington Nationals yesterday. They're sending back two minor leaguers, Triple-A left-hander Jake Eder and Double-A first baseman Sam Brown, in the deal.

The right-handed Garcia, 38, began the season with the Dodgers and recorded a 5.27 ERA for them in 28 appearances before being DFA'd in June. He's been pretty darn good in ten games since signing with Washington a couple of weeks ago, but given his poor strikeout and walk rates it's probably a lot of smoke and mirrors. Chafin, 35, is a lefty who has a 2.70 ERA in 26 games for the Nats, but he has some pretty poor peripherals around that ERA figure as well. The Angels will be the left-hander's eighth team in 12 major league seasons.

I suppose this is what buying looks like for the Angels. Though given that, at the time this trade went down, they were two games under .500 and eight games back in the AL West – and are four games back but behind six teams in the Wild Card race – I'm not sure what it making them think that it's time to buy.

I guess it's something to do at least. Boredom can be a killer.

Mariners acquire Caleb Ferguson from Pittsburgh

The Seattle Mariners got lefty reliever Caleb Ferguson from the Pittsburgh Pirates yesterday. In exchange for Ferguson the Pirates acquired 19-year-old minor league right-hander Jeter Martinez.

Ferguson, 29, is a pending free agent. This year he's got a 3.74 ERA (114 ERA+) in 45 games and has struck out 34 batters in 43.1 innings while being pretty dang tough against lefties. Martinez is a 19 year-old in A-ball.

Other trades

A few more trades, of the more minor variety, happened late last night:

• The Reds acquired right-hander Zack Littell from the Tampa Bay Rays as part of a three-team deal. Or maybe it was just two deals back-to-back? I dunno. Either way, the Rays got minor league pitchers Brian Van Belle and Adam Serwinowski from the Reds for Littell, then sent Serwinowski, pitcher Paul Gervase, and catcher Ben Rortvedt to the Dodgers for catcher Hunter Feduccia;
• The Cubs have picked up pitcher Mike Soroka from the Washington Nationals for two prospects: Triple-A outfielder Christian Franklin and 18-year-old infielder Ronny Cruz. Soroka (a) has peripheral stats that are better than his top line numbers and thus might be expected to perform better with the Cubs than he did with the Nats; and (b) leads the league in hit batsman this year, so hey hey, some excitement is on its way to Wrigley;
• The Cubs also acquired reliever Andrew Kittredge from the Baltimore Orioles. I looked at like three different websites, including MLB Trade Rumors, and could not see what the Cubs sent to Baltimore for him so I'm gonna assume it was cash, a player to be named later, or a hogshead of fine ale and three maidens faire;
• The Orioles stayed busy, sending infielder Ramón Urías to Houston for minor league right-hander Twine Palmer. "Twine" is a hell of a first name, that I can tell you, even if I can't tell you anything else particularly interesting about him. He's a 20 year-old pitcher who has had a pretty decent year at A-ball this season, but the fact that his name is Twins is a way better detail;
• The Red Sox got pitcher Steven Matz from St. Louis from the Cardinals. They sent minor league first baseman Blaze Jordan to St. Louis in return. "Blaze" is also a hell of a name. If you've lost track of Matz since his time with the Mets, know that he's basically a reliever these days, and has been at least halfway decent in that role this season.

Other Stuff

Man, maybe they did bump Epstein off

I do not adhere to conspiracy theories. That's primarily because of the nature of conspiracy theories in general and the manner in which they are constructed specifically to immunize them from factual scrutiny. Maybe some of them do have a factual basis and maybe some do, accidentally or tangentially, describe legitimate government conspiracies, but you're never gonna figure that out by engaging with adherents to the given theory. If it turns out later that they were right, welp, I sleep just fine having been late to the game and not having been sucked down a rabbit hole.

For this reason I have been skeptical about the possibility of a "they murdered Jeffrey Epstein in prison" conspiracy. I am pretty confident that there are a lot of powerful people who were relieved when he died and that one of them may very well be the President of the United States – and I am confident that problematic prisoners have been murdered in jail before – but nothing I'd seen about written or heard said about that over the past six years has even remotely convinced me that Epstein was one of 'em.

All of that being said, this story from CBS News which came out on Tuesday presents a fairly compelling case that someone doctored the Epstein jail footage and that, later, two of Trump's Attorneys General, Bill Barr and later Pam Bondi, lied about it:

But a CBS News analysis of the video the FBI made public earlier this month reveals that the recording doesn't provide a clear view of the entrance to Epstein's cell block — one of several contradictions between officials' descriptions of the video and the video itself. 

CBS News also digitally reconstructed the Special Housing Unit, or SHU, where Epstein was held, using diagrams and descriptions from the 2023 report on Epstein released by the Justice Department inspector general. The CBS News review found the video does little to provide evidence to support claims that were later made by federal officials. Additionally, CBS News has identified multiple inconsistencies between that report and the video that raise serious questions about the accuracy of witness statements and the thoroughness of the government's investigation.  

The review doesn't refute the conclusion that Epstein died by suicide. But it raises questions about the strength and credibility of the government's investigation, which appears to have drawn conclusions from the video that are not readily observable.

I would still guess that the conflicting stories and general nonsense about Epstein's death that has come from Trump people is a function of ignorance, incompetence, and fear of upsetting or unwittingly implicating Trump in something. But it's definitely causing my Spidey-sense to tingle.

New Albany, Ohio's monorail project isn't panning out

Three and a half years ago microprocessor manufacturer Intel announced that it was building a massive plant just outside of my then-home of New Albany, Ohio. The plan soon became two plants on the same site. Intel promised that the plants would create tens of thousands of jobs and would transform both the region and the State of Ohio as a whole.

Intel's announcement was met with wild celebration by state and local officials who, along with the federal government, soon pledged billions of tax dollars in direct funding, tax breaks, incentives, infrastructure improvements, and special access to water and electrical resources. Joe Biden, Ohio Governor Mike DeWine, and several Members of Congress showed up for the groundbreaking, all of them crowing about how they were turning Licking County, Ohio into "The Silicon Heartland."

At the time, a few handsome folks around here meekly asked what, exactly, Intel was promising and how taxpayers could be assured that this would not turn into a Foxconn-style boondoggle, but we were shouted down or, more often, ignored. It was like everyone telling Marge to stuff it at the end of the "Monorail" song from "The Simpsons." So construction began. Farms and houses were bulldozed, roads were widened and new interchanges were built. Townships fought over water rights. Various subsidiary developments were announced, such as a planned community with executive homes and upscale shopping in what is now a tiny farm town. There was talk about building a second interstate outerbelt around Columbus to accommodate all of the INSANE COMMERCE that the new plants were bound to produce.

But then, over the next couple of years, Intel experienced some trouble. Their revenues took a dip. They fired the CEO who coined the name "Silicon Heartland." They also delayed the timeline of the plants which were initially expected to begin microprocessor production this fall. First it was delayed a year. Then two. A couple of weeks ago people were throwing around 2031 as the most likely time for the plants' completion.

Then, yesterday morning, Intel announced it will need to get external customers for its manufacturing division or it may need to stop all work in Ohio. Given the manner in which it's all explained in the linked article it may as well have been written by Intel, but the fact that such a credulous piece of journalism is still communicating such bad news for the Ohio project tells you just how bad things are. My guess is that those partially-completed plants are never finished and that we'll soon move on to battles over who is responsible for repairing the massive damage that was done to the land which was once perfectly good and productive farmland.

Ohio has given or pledged something like $2 billion to Intel to build those plants. The feds: almost $8 billion. As I mentioned above, some of us, at the time, said that maybe a for-profit business like Intel could build its own damn plants and that public money should go for public goods. We were told we didn't understand how business works. But nah, I think we understand perfectly well how business works.

Oh well. At least I sold my house in New Albany at almost the exact time Intel-mania was catching fire. I feel like if I tried to do that now I'd get way less for it.

There are miracles everywhere you look

My local paper reported that a Columbus bar has been named on USA Today's 2025 Bars of the Year list. I had a couple of ideas of bars that might pass muster, but was surprised when the one identified was a bar up on Ohio State's campus that I'd never heard of before. Mostly because it's been decades since I've gone to bars up on Ohio State's campus.

The bar is called Threes Above High. There were multiple other bars in that space before I couldn't even hope to remember what was there back in the 1990s when I actually did go to campus bars. On the surface it looks like any number of other bars I'd really have no business entering today, but this detail from the article made me smile:

Tidal wave shots. The shot that made Threes Above High locally famous started on a slow night, Ellsworth said. Guys in bachelor-party mode at Ellsworth's old Too's bar asked for what they called tidal waves: shots of Jägermeister followed by a glass of water thrown in their faces. Two or three regulars sitting nearby joined in.

It's now a thing, inspiring a blue wave painted across an otherwise scarlet-and-gray wall on one side of the Threes bar. The $6 shot is now blue raspberry vodka, and there are some rules: If you order a tidal wave for someone else, you have to be next to the person and do one yourself.

Although one warped bar top had to be replaced and splashing water has ruined more than one TV, Ellsworth sees a bright side: "They keep the floors clean."

It's like the alcohol equivalent of Sloppy Steaks.

I have no interest in ordering a Tidal Wave Shot. I also have no interest in knowing anyone who would. But I am glad that it exists. The world needs randomness and chaos like that. At least for other people.

Speaking of life imitating "I Think You Should Leave" . . .

First there's a campus bar roughly aping Sloppy Steaks, and now there's an actual Baby of the Year competition, with Jessica Alba, Paris Hilton, and Kelly Rowland prominently involved:

If you are unaware of the original Baby of the Year competition, well, educate yourself.

I cannot wait to look at their toes like so many curled canned shrimp. And I hope you fucking die, Harley Jarvis.

"Down Under" treatments

Last week I linked something about the "hung smile." Today I'm linking a story at the Hollywood Reporter about what the interview subject, a plastic surgeon, refers to as "down under" treatments. Meaning penis enlargement injections:

To achieve a larger, fuller penis, Emer uses hyaluronic acid filler and polymethyl methacrylate, a kind of medical-grade acrylic. To add a half inch or an inch, the average man will need 20 injections . . . Twenty syringes of filler is just an average. According to Emer, larger members require more injection, as do men who want more than an inch increase. A man with an 8-inch member who wants to go even bigger may need 60 syringes. As graphically detailed on Emer’s X account, one patiently received about 120 injections over the course of a year. And at $750 to $1,200 a syringe, that adds up fast, with a full penis enhancement treatment running $200,000 or more.

You may think that was too much detail for your comfort, but be thankful that I did NOT excerpt the specific descriptions of the locations of the injections. Nor did I even mention the completely separate procedure that this doctor does for butts which is mentioned in the article's opening graf. If you wanna know, click through. If you don't, dear GOD, don't click at all.

Anyway, I'm trying to imagine what sort of person would pay hundreds of thousands of dollars to add a couple of inches to their old John Thomas when learning how to properly perform oral sex and/or just being a generally decent dude who cares for people is just as much if not more satisfying for most partners in addition to being completely free. But as was the case with the Intel plant, I suppose there are a lot of things I simply don't understand.

Have a great day everyone.